Today is a disappointment day. One of the psychics on-line gave me the heads-up on the solo show. It's a thumbs down and some has to do with a creepy guy nixing it because he's jealous of my training and experience. And what little talent I have. And the rest has to do with three bad paintings among the ten. I just didn't have enough work that I hadn't shown there.  I was just looking at two artists work on here who are way more talented than I ever was.  I don't like the scary themes on their work, but they can really paint.  We can't all be wonderfully talented. I'm grateful I can paint and that I do what I do.  I can be second-rate but that rating goes down into the hundreds.  There's so much crap on-line, all over. People who can't paint a human being to save their lives, but think they're artists, and who am I to say they're not. I guess I am, but it's mean and I wouldn't say it to them. And at the art center! JeeZ, they have no idea!  Amazing the crap to which they give awards. (I went to visit last week. The good stuff won nothing. There really was some amateurish work up and two won awards.)  I sound like a snob and I don't like it. 

All my life I wanted to be noticed, to be respected.  Very recently, after only sixty-four years, I realized I like myself. I respect myself and I'd love to have a friend like me.  I'd still like my artwork to be shown and to sell some. It piles up. It does sell, which is nice. Usually, I know what's gonna sell.  Prices have a lot to do with it. If people can afford the piece and they want it, it's gone. No controversy there. I can paint some attractive paintings.  I like them! but I don't like them all. The remedy for that is to paint over the ones I don't like until eventually, I paint one I like.  Then, I hang it, sell it, or give it away, usually to our kids.  I'm still hurting today. It feels like an emotional kick in the gut.  In about 15 minutes, Harry and I will go off for dinner and drinks.  That should cure what ails me, or maybe just tomorrow.

Coping With the "Art World" In Suburbia

I think the Art Alliance down here is going to "green light" my applying next year. My friend, the psychic told me about the "green light" but that I wouldn't like the conditions.  Today, I ran into one of the head guys there who told me the committee had made their decisions but he told me nothing more.  So...I'm assuming the news won't be what I want.  I assume he would have hinted if the answer were positive.  So I'm upset. I'll get over it possibly by tomorrow. Or maybe the next day, but pretty soon.  It was a crap shoot in so many ways. So few openings and so many artists applying.  The committee is not "professional". I've seen some of their picks and they're not always good.  (The present show is an example. Their winners are the worst, literally and I'm not exaggerating.) It's sad, but that's how the Art world is. It is very much who you know and their personal taste plus what sells.  Either one of the three can be the only or their first consideration. Just reality and it hurts.  Getting attention in that world is serendipity, maybe, or whatever.

Beautiful Chinese Jewelry

I think I'm addicted to buying cheap jewelry on Ebay. It's mostly all from China and I love most of it. I just put on a phony sapphire ring to sleep in. I love the appearance of it. I put away--hid--my two good rings because most of my real gold was stolen last year. I haven't been able to remember where I hid them. I may never remember. It's happened before.
With jewelry, we look at the beauty. Why does it matter if the stone came out of the ground or if it were manufactured? Because somebody can make a lot of money from the sale?  Isn't the beauty the same, or almost the same, unless you have one of those jeweler's eye things?  I suspect the whole "real" jewelry thing is total bullshit. Why spend the money? Status? Who knows what's real and what's not besides your close friends and relatives?  Does it mean your boyfriend really loves you? Not by a long shot proven by the millions of divorces every year leaving behind diamond rings.
Well, just a thought. And another: This ring I wanted to wear is rubbing against my next finger. Isn't it great it cost about $4.00 and not $4000?