The Angst of Diabetes and Dieting

Angst...stolen from me in a New York exhibit

Today I started a diet. I hope I'm finished making excuses for my food choices, overeating and dessert. I think what's precipitated this was a series of articles on Diabetes in the New York Times describing my behavior exactly and if you read between the lines, it predicts a scary future first with shots of insulin, and then heart disease, possibly loss of limbs and my eyesight. And that's in addition to all kinds of other upsetting problems. The articles have been saying a lot but what got to me I think, was people like me eating up to their medications and eventually having to proceed to the next level. My brother is now on insulin and his glucose levels frequently go to 300, which is very unsafe. He's had numerous foot surgeries that took forever to heal; an infection of his eye socket a couple of years ago; and the other day his eyes were too blurry to see right. I worry about him; Diabetes is insidious.
Today the Science Times was citing a study on the connection between heart disease and Diabetes. Researchers are finding frequently heart disease is present silently when Diabetes is discovered. Also arteriosclerosis. The article explained the close connection between all of them. I've been reading all along about the diabetics preponderance for heart disease and strokes. Lupies have that too, and taking steroids, a huge number of us have Diabetes too. It's easy to be in denial; Diabetes doesn't feel like anything, and if you're very lucky, neither does lupus.
I felt good today but I didn't go too overboard with my food. My dessert was low calorie and low fat and I had only one. Yes, I feel fat and I'm concerned about my health. There's so much that isn't understood in our bodies, but it's obvious that overeating with diabetes is dangerous. Maybe you think medical science is highly advanced, but I think it's still barbaric. Your foot gets gangrene so they cut it off. One medicine for lupus? And doctors know almost nothing about central nervous system lupus. And are all doctors up on the latest news? Ha! It's a battle we have to fight ourselves, reluctantly I know--well, kicking and screaming. When we lose there's no doctor who will be able to fix our failure. It's just us and a battle we don't want to fight.