Friday, October 21, 2005

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I Love Painterjayne


I set up the links thing wrong and now I've added what looks like ads after every entry. Ugh. I know as much about computers as rocket science and it shows. I get discouraged. And my computer won't work with my scanner and camera. I did a piece I just love, tried to scan it, and when that failed, took pictures of it. But the computer doesn't want to know about any of it, so I can't put it on here. Not that anyone sees, but I like to look at my new work. Seeing it makes me feel good.
I love my title referring to my fabulous adventures. I don't have any. I'm not interested. I guess I did have them, and sometimes I do interesting things, but it's kind of "Been there. Done that." (And I was bored, or once was enough.) Or maybe, I need a break and if people stop asking me to parties, I'll feel terrible and want to go again. I do go, but there are lots that aren't right for me now. Play parties? Nah, give me talk parties. I don't want to work and I don't want to draw it either. Or look. But then, are these people I can talk with? Do they think the way I do? Are they interested in what's happening in the world and where do they think blame is? Sometimes I give my opinion, people look, and don't understand because it's so far from what they think. I suspect I'm not alone in my ideas; I'm not a genius. I just am not communicating with very liberal "free thinkers". I'm talking to basically conservative folks despite their being happy to pose naked and in erotic poses or bondage. (And no, I don't fool around. Not interested. Ever. Guys always ask that when they see my erotic stuff.)
Some other person with lupus will read this, say I'm a loony free spirit, or maybe veering over into evil doings. No, it's just me and I'm still a nice quiet unassuming lady, with good values and morals. But I'm an artist, and I want to feel myself being me. I want to do what makes me happy, learn to live fully. It's sometimes horrible to have lupus and it's changed my life completely. I suspect I'm pretty obnoxious, angry, pushy, and say way too much that most people don't want to hear. But just like I like looking at my artwork, I love reading what I've written. I guess it's self-love. So be it.

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