Sunday, August 19, 2007

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Last month, I thought my email program was infected. Suddenly, I didn't see my emails on my lupus online support group. I examined every inch of Outlook but couldn't find any problems and I continued sending my questions and answers in. After a while, I realized my emails just weren't being printed so I contacted the "owners" who never answered. I'll never know if I offended them or sent them an email that was meant for one of my friends or what. I had been involved with that group for about five years and I was a major supporter. I'm not a professional trained writer, but I didn't ramble, and I'm intelligent and educated. I research everything connected with my lupus. I was one of the smart, informed people in that group. And they threw me out with no explanation. I think their behavior was rude and callous. How do you do that to someone who relies on your support who you supposedly cared about? Knowing how lupus is triggered by stress, how can people allow themselves to hurt other people they know also suffer from lupus? Now, I know why other members just disappeared. Maybe my asking where those people got to bothered those "owners".

On a regular basis, those "owners" sent in a list of rules and I think everyone, including me, tried to honor the "owners" requests. But it wasn't enough. I believe, just like real-life, when we break off a friendship, it behooves us to explain why if we are asked. It is hard to do that, I know, but we owe it if another person has shared a friendship with us. Also, living in God's good grace, we are required to be compassionate. Every other human being has mountains to climb, battles to fight. Whatever those women who ran the group objected to in my email, it would have been appropriate to say what it was.

I am always shocked by the coldness of some other people's words. They don't try to be gentle. Even though they are not angry, their words are cutting. Why am I not that way? Perhaps I think less of myself, or maybe I don't see myself as an authority on anything. I'm not. No one is faultless though. I may be more polite than most, but in the end, I can't throw stones either. I'm angry at those "owners", but they too have sorrow. Fuck it! I hope their list folds!

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