Erotic Drawings Are Passe

This will be an early night; I've got a cold. I worked on my little paintings today--I paint or draw nearly every day and I love the stuff I do. Not that it's daVinci, it's maybe 50th rate, but I enjoy making art tremendously. I'm not underestimating my work, I don't think, because I would rate a lot of the stuff shown in galleries as at best 60th rate, and in New York, total shit. There, the Art Scene is definitely the Emperor's New Clothes.
I'm planning on attending some kind of Art shindig Saturday night. That's a definite maybe because I go or don't depending totally on how I feel. And this Saturday night, I'm planning to sit near the exit so if it's nonsense, I can leave. Not like last week in the middle of the balcony on the hard little seats watching an execrable movie. What I don't like is that I almost never get to stop afterward to have decaf or a drink because Harry always feels exhausted. In the morning he's the EverReady bunny, but at night, he's the walking dead.
We were going to parties nearly every week but I've gotten tired of the scene. Bored with what happens, uncomfortable with fucked up macho men and the women who wait on them. I enjoy chatting so much and adore meeting folks who are on my own wavelength, but that was so rare. Lately, I've been unwilling to be around unfriendly people even mixed in with with folks I like. No antidepressant would make that better so I guess I'll just have to wait until I work it out emotionally or it passes.
I used to draw their scenes and ultimately was a so-called dominant lady, which makes sense because I'm such an angry rebellious feminist. But I don't want to be bothered with submissive guys and spend my drawing time training them to be sissy maids or tell them how to clean. Yes, I love teas and I get a kick out of sissy maids but I want to do my own work.
Our party friends and the guys used to pose for me and I thought drawing nudes would be good for me, like practicing, and it was good to have models all the time. When I accepted the fact I didn't want to draw naked people, that it was work, I let myself rest and do what I wanted even though a little voice inside my head thought this work wasn't as acceptable, as valuable, as the realistic bodies with the beautiful lines. So maybe I'm hiding now with my funny fine art and strange personality. Time will tell.