Thursday, May 25, 2006

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WHAT IS LOVE?

Picture is "Stop Work"
I wish there were more prints on here; I love visual media. Oh, well.
Today was another busy day; it's pretty cool that it feels as though my job never existed and I'm too busy. I didn't get to pack at all today. Because I'm spending my "free" time packing, I haven't fixed my website which is very screwed up. Just when we were leaving today, we remembered the plants we'd ordered a couple of months ago that needed to be potted today. We did them all, mixing houseplants with outside plants because they weren't sufficiently labeled (for those without knowledge of that kind of green stuff.) It will be nice to see them grow; I love my plants and Harry wanted most of these so hopefully, he'll be watering them.
While we were driving, the engine light came on and our daughter called complaining of her boyfriend/fiance. As long as we could get where we were going and home, I was okay with the car, but not with our daughter's situation. I was upset about that. We've been very lucky with our children. They've both focused on the sciences and have done well. Both are lovely intelligent people--good people. Our son has a fiance/girlfriend with whom he's lived for a few years already. He wants children, so maybe someday, we'll have little ones we can hug and kiss. I believed our daughter had finally found the right man for her, but she's used to being alone and independent, so we'll see. She's very critical when it comes to guys. It would be nice if guys were like women--warm, loving listeners and confidants. Pals, buddies. My Harry is like that pretty much. But then nobody can be everything for anybody. That's not reality and why God created friends, books, newspapers, movies, restaurants, and shopping. And private time.
We visited one of my close friends today and were discussing what love and marriage really is. We came to the conclusion it's friendship, companionship, and comfort. I think respect and compassion fit in too. The neat thing is Harry and I married when we were babies, went through hating each other, finally developed understanding, and we're good friends now. It's not easy, but it's better than being without him.
That's a lot of what friendship is and probably why no one from my old job ever called me. I could say they were a bunch of money-worshipping soulless ignorant jealous people, but I wouldn't be doing them justice. It would be accurate to say the seventies, women's liberation, etc. passed them by and although most of them were '"Democrats"', they were tremendously suspicious of educated, liberal Jewish women and the "'cultural elite'." (Sorry about the strange grammar.) I liked a number of them, but...well, I always had horrible jobs. I ended with the best one and my best boss ever.
I have wanted to talk about my crazy co-workers and bosses but I can't work up the interest anymore. With my last job, I understand it wasn't really just them; it was my fault too that I wasn't taken to their bosoms. I stand behind what I said just before; it's totally true, but it's all gone. They never existed and I'm free.
I have been very lucky in a hundred different ways. My marriage stayed together. I earned a scholarship when I was twenty-three that totally paid for my college. Even though I got fired pretty often, I got hired just as often, for more money. I can paint, write (I think), and I'm still a "handsome" woman. I was given my social security disability right away. And I'm okay. I went through years of psychotherapy and even though I still have issues, (which I hate), I love my life and I'm happy. Satisfied. I have good friends who I love, my cats, my plants, books, and I'm getting ready to move to my dream house sort-of in the country. I kind-of say all this because I was actually hurt by those folks I had worked with by their never calling, even the ones I ate lunch with and saw socially a little. I was so sick for months--five, I think. And I'd like to tell them how good everything is for me while they still have to drag into an office for a job they hate and see people they loathe.

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