Sunday, October 29, 2006

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My Mother Dresses Me Funny (That's my story & I'm sticking to it.)

That's how I feel--I'm fighting off a cold, apparently not very well. I've been lupusey all week; I think from the stress with the workmen in the house all the time and the house being disrupted. It's scary for me--someone with balance problems--to climb and descend steps covered by tarps. I worry about our kittens, both of whom have gotten outside. Moon, our hunter, zipped through an open vent, through the crawl space under the house to the world outside and didn't want to come back inside. Autumn, our timid little girl, escaped outside when the workmen were coming her way. She was terrified and not ready to travel.
The kittens were locked away last night on our neighborhood Halloween. Some of the neighbors with small children sent around a flyer setting up Halloween for last night so their children didn't have to be out late on a work and school night. We'll still have the regular Halloween for the teenagers. Our son and his girlfriend came over last night to give out candy and enjoy the holiday. Our son noticed the work done on one hallway wasn't good. That's all I need: to have more work done over and spend more money. We're spent out now. The house painting cost a mint and there are so many more things wrong. Keep looking and you just keep seeing more. Nevertheless, I love living here. I love the house; I enjoy it. The neighbors are friendly too; it's a little community, like a tiny town.
I hope the people here don't reject me as they did at my work. Well, they didn't totally reject me, they just never let me in. I didn't really want "in"; I couldn't help it and neither could they. I couldn't loosen up and if I had, I think I might have been judgemental about them and their attitudes. I didn't fit in and my ideas were too radical. Plus they didn't trust a Jewish woman who was educated and liberal. They had all kinds of crazy ideas about me. If folks here are prejudiced too, it will hurt. Reading the newspaper and questioning accepted ideas gets me into trouble.
A woman stood in the aisle near me in K-Mart today. She openly stared at me as though I was dressed in my underwear for what felt like a long time. She wasn't admiring me. I had on one of my funny cute 90's jumpers and footless tights, so I might have looked odd. Nobody wears that stuff here. I wouldn't have wanted to hear her thoughts unless she was actually trying to hold back gas. Sometimes it feels awkward to be me.
Today was our neighborhood Halloween tonight and we all enjoyed it. We had more kids here than ever on Langdon Street. Every time kids came to the door our son, his girlfriend, my husband and me all crowded around at the door. We'll do it again Tuesday on the real Halloween if anybody comes. And maybe I'll wear another 90's jumper. It's a shame I didn't buy striped tights



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