Sunday, February 19, 2006

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I'm just scanning a painting into the computer. I'm still working on two abstract paintings but I finished a little pastel tonight. I want to scan in some pen and inks too, but I suspect I'll be in bed first. Honey was here today; that was nice. Harry made enough vegetables with our Cornish hens so Honey could have a good meal too. The only thing missing was a gigantic ice cream sundae--perfect for diabetics.
I'm hoping I can get serious about eating right; I know I've been "eating up to" my diabetes medication. When people do that, they eventually go through the medication and end up on insulin. My brother is on that now and he's having trouble keeping his diabetes under control. This is a progressive disease. I don't know if it's possible to be careful enough but that's the direction I'd like to go in.
I"m still a little depressed, but it feels different now. I saw my excellent therapist yesterday. (I can see her only once a month so I try to make it count.) Through EMDR, I was able to see why I have trouble coming out from hiding when I'm not with friends. Good supportive friends or family. I feel foolish even looking into this at fifty-eight but I'd like to be truly happy before I die. It's horrible to look back as an adult and realize how much damage adults do to children. Most of it is unconscious too. And the majority of people either cover it up or just accept the pain as normal. I never knew how to be normal or acceptable for that matter. Apparently as a child I said things that weren't what my family expected. And needed more attention than watching "Meet the Press" on TV. That and Arthur Godfrey. I hated those shows. No wonder I hate music from the 1950's, Rosemary Clooney and Frank Sinatra. Feh! Life is so boring when you don't know how to read and can't tell people what you want, or when they don't listen or think you deserve to be heard.
That's enough talk. My picture is still scanning and I don't know how to check and see how much longer it will be so I'll put another one on here for now.



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