World Vacation Today Sunday October 30, 2005

Brian picked up an external hard drive for me and I was able to hook it up. I didn't follow his directions, instead I did exactly what the directions said, which made me feel safer even though it's gonna be less efficient. I think---I hope--I was able to put back in Print Shop, although I absolutely couldn't put in the expensive one I bought. The cd wouldn't 'catch' or whatever it's supposed to do. Later Brian managed to make the computer recognize the scanner and the camera. I think the kitten actually disconnected the scanner. And Brian thinks I should buy a new camera being an artist who uses the photos, but it does the job. (Although, I'm looking at the quality of the picture I put in here, and it's awful.) I also finished a picture which I like very much and maybe tomorrow I can put on the two I've finished. I love 'em.
I do blunder through my use of the computer; I don't have an overview or any type of understanding about how it functions internally. My math sucks, and two minutes into computer explanations, my mind has travelled somewhere else. I want to know; I want to be able to fix the glitches that invariably make me crazy on some Tuesday night at 1:30 AM when I'm trying to finish something for Wednesday. But I may as well throw in the towel because it isn't going to happen.
Sometimes we just don't have the capacity. It's like saying anyone can be President, or this is a free country. Oh, yeah: Justice is blind. Maybe sleeping too.
Anyway, I'm so grateful for Brian. His girlfriend Christina brought over pumpkin/apple muffins she made too. I filled a plate with them and never brought out the last three because we couldn't stop eating them. We had Cousin Jerry and daughter Honey to dinner. It's a shame Jerry never got into computers because he's a math person too and has an innate understanding of things like integrals and whatever makes these machines go. Jerry's a retired power engineer and he's like my big brother. He's the bearded guy in the painting I'm gonna put up. By the way, I sold this painting and never expected to. I jacked up the price and figured, who would want it anyway? It's my family. Then I couldn't refuse the money. So much for integrity.
As far as I know, nothing happened today outside my house. I did read the Philly newspaper but it went out the other ear. The only thing I noticed was the external hard drive advertisement. Everything else seemed to be rehashes or of no interest to me. Maybe I missed something. But nobody's going to care. It's been a good weekend; today was really fun.

Sunday With My Family

Family here... and I love it. Son Brian fixed my peripherals and he's picking up an external hard drive for me to back up my work on here. I don't recommend Sony computers or Windows XP, or for that matter, I wouldn't recommend myself as anybody's computer master.
I'm waiting for my photos to show up on here--one in particular--so I can use it for a thank you card for my old job. Not showing up yet. Done! And time for dinner!

Poor Harriet Miers and Bondage

This was an eventful day..Up early at 10 AM. Had marvelous home-made quiche for breakfast, and after not-to-long my subbie was here to help me straighten and clean the downstairs "studio". After he was dressed appropriately, we got a lot of stuff that I needed in the past but not now, piled up by the glass doors. And noticed televisions and radios that I hadn't seen for years.
Ever since I was so sick in August, I became disinterested in D/s. The "Master" stuff I find offensive because of my personal bent, and I admitted to myself that a whole lot of the rest bored me after five minutes. But I like the people. And I like getting cleaning help. It seems as though I can be honest and tell the multitude of guys knocking on my door how little I'll do for a whole lot of house cleaning...and they're fine with that. I do like feminizing, dressing up, and a little spanking-type stuff. But the spanking I think, could easily get kicked to the curb.
I notice it's all becoming mainstream too. Son Brian was invited to a bondage party and he didn't go only because girlfriend Byll wouldn't go and he didn't know enough people there to go alone. All the young hip people I know think the milder forms are cool. But I can't watch someone do an hour-long bondage-thing where someone is hanging up and not have a chair and a book to read. Rope work can be very creative and beautiful and it's certainly fun to be touched and be the center of attention. I don't know though about being naked in a room full of people. But, blessings on those who go that way. Their freedom and confidence in their bodies is enviable. Without them, artists would draw pretty badly.
I didn't get to draw today; I was too busy. But I have people coming to pose and I need the other studio for erotic poses. Or bondage. Whatever. My knots are pretty funny, but I can draw them any which way.
No bondage today. After my guy, Harry and I grabbed samples of his cooking from this week and headed over to our Brian and his girlfriend's. They cook too, but we're all foodies. So of course, what to do next but go eat. We ate at what used to be Sonoma in Manyunk, spending $10 on a Bourbon Manhattan for me plus way too much for everything else. We all had negative comments about different parts of the meal too. The Caesar salad was watery; the onion soup tasted strange; the fries were very oily; the bourbon Manhattan tasted a lot like regular water; and the cheesecake was too small for all the stuff in it--it tasted like a hodgepodge without any thread holding it together. Harry's soup, Brian's steak, and my meat satay were good though.
What do you think Harriet Miers ate today? I feel sorry for her, even though I'm sure she's a conservative woman-hating sycophant. Still to have been nominated for a job you're too stupid to know you'll never get, but to have millions of people see you up there twisting...Horrible. She'll walk around smiling, but that's because she's in politics/big business where realness is abhorrent. I wouldn't bet Anita Hill doesn't spend time obsessing about everything she had to go through in Committee, on TV, and in the press. Clarence Thomas being on the Supreme Court will always be one of the examples of lack of excellence expected by our elected officials and the complacence of our nation. Guys like him give us the kind of Supreme Court decisions we're always ashamed of in coming years.

By the way, that's not a pic of Anita Hill up there. That's my friend Sydney/Sienna.

My Little World V. The Wide World

I sleep inordinate amounts of time. I enjoy sleeping, but I miss the hours I lose. I put Print Shop back in here today so I can make the thank you cards for the gifts I received "retiring" from my "job". I am sincerely touched by the warmth expressed and I do want them to know. I already sent one, but the goofy woman wouldn't put it up. It has one of the pictures on here--the one with the somewhat annoyed woman either getting down for a nap, or being disturbed while in one. The woman thought the picture was sexual. I couldn't see it, and it was my thank you note. If I thought she would have interpreted the picture that way, I would have used a different one. So now, I have to send a different one and in the meantime, I had to reformat my computer again. And put Print Shop back in again. I must have four versions of that program. I want to make painterjayne bumper stickers with it. Just "Philly's Finest Artist, Painterjayne" www.painterjayne.com If anybody reading this wants one, tell me. If anybody ever reads this. I guess the point is I have the materials for the bumper stickers, but with all this in and out of Print Shop, I don't know if I have the software. The last program didn't have it, hence the additional one. I think the old one did have the program. Wish I'd made them when I had the chance. (About four years ago.)
I did put all my cds in a plastic container, separating out all the music. Now I can see the cd programs I still have and know how many I've lost. Amazing how I can clearly remember things from just months or even weeks ago that simply evaporated in this very room. Since all the shelves have been cleaned by Moon kitten, it's pure magic. (Moon needs the shelves to climb and be a happy cat.)
All I talk about is the cat and life in the house... I'm very aware of the world outside; I read the N.Y. Times, sometimes the Philly Inquirer, magazines, and some in-depth news programs. I worked in a political office which was a good education in how our government works. It works despite politics, I think, because almost always politics is about getting power and money to oneself, one's family and friends, getting more, and staying there. Politicians don't do anything for anyone else unless there's something in it for them. That's why all those people are dying in Dur fur, and drowned in New Orleans. Plus race. No one will ever convince me that would have happened if they were Caucasian. Then again, there was Serajavo --the city where WWI started-- where everybody just stood by and couldn't care less that snipers were shooting kids in the street.
Do you think the US would even look at the Arabs if they didn't have oil? Like we would have started a war with Iraq if they didn't. Do we blink at Central America with their dictators and mass murders?
Well, that's a waste of finger exercise. I'm glad I'm here, in my little house, being me, in America, with a decent mayor, good governor, dunce president who's sending kids off to their deaths and killing innocent civilians to grab oil and make money for his friends. The US is basically going to hell, or appears to be, economically, militarily, and morally. No, I don't mean Christian stuff; I mean big business stealing all the money and benefits and leaving people with no pensions, housing, heat, or medicine. And murdering people in far-off countries for their own aggrandizement. And not caring about others. Or, yes, the earth.

The ToothAche Fairy Buys at Thrift Stores

Today was a shopping day; I didn't work on here or paint. But I did buy at least five pairs of sweat-type pants for about $11. from the thrift store. NEWS FLASH: I just figured out what to do with the pretty light blue vase I bought there too--for $2.50. I bought it for hiding the toilet paper from Moon Kitten, but he pulled it out and had a ball, so obviously the vase isn't good for toilet paper. However, I think it will look perfect for cd makeup brushes and stuff I use for feminizing. Classy touch. (At this moment, Moon kitten has thrown poop onto the rugs here, with his fevered covering in the kitty litter I put out for visiting Pumpkin. Ugh. Tomorrow.)
So, back to the pants. They're my painting/neighborhood/freedom pants. Symbols of my doing--and dressing--whatever the hell I want. They're stretchy and completely inappropriate for a job or lady-like attire. I love 'em.

Big Sammy

What a dog! Big Sammy Dog....

Another Fabulous Day

I've spent hours "fixing" the html/graphics on this blog. Fixing means, since I don't know html, kind of arranging, fiddling, fooling around, and writing in little messages until I'm satisfied. It doesn't look great, and I can't get the webring graphics right, but I'm okay with it all. I'm thankful for the help I got from a guy named Shawn who answered my appeal after apparently reading my blog. With his html, I was able to fix the major problems and get my links on here and I'm really happy for that. Really, I've gotten help from people all along on the web, from the beginning when I set up my website six years ago. I knew absolutely nothing about computers. I used to crash mine about every month and my son used to put it back together because he needed it for school. But he didn't know about websites and he was impressed that I persevered and ultimately built www.painterjayne.com Originally, I did it on Hypermart, then I did one for erotic stuff on Globe, and finally I paid for a real host and I'm still there. I have to ship out a lot to Tripod and my husband's www.poet-cop.com site because the pictures are heavy graphic files even when I cut them down. Especially when Windows XP on this "new" computer keeps folding and I have to reformat, losing all the little programs I used to trim the bytes of files. (With lupus, my memory is a memory.)
I am gradually fixing my website though. I still don't have my major ftp program back after about seven months, but I'm crawling along using Netscape composer. I don't feel like being bothered doing a lot of the stuff I should do, like trying to download a copy of that ftp program I paid for and actually still have the registration info for. Which is amazing since I lose everything. I lost all the cds for my drivers and most of my programs. I'm really good. I lose shoes, clothes, jewelry in addition to artwork. I feel bad about the artwork. At this point, there are a number of pieces I can't remember if I sold or if they're still here. Or somewhere.
I don't despair though about losing things; I'd be in deep depression if I did. I'm dependent on the computer, but not the cds. At least, I don't think so. And the rest of the stuff, well, that's my life.
I wonder where my kitten Moon is, and whether he and Bubba's cat, Pumpkin, are right now staring each other down. I don't hear any noise so maybe they're sleeping. Pumpkin zipped right out of here as soon as I put the medicine in his ear. And Moon sniffed the areas where Pumpkin had been sleeping and then he too vacated the room. Neither of them is commiserating with me about computers, or celebrating my blog being in good shape. I miss my dog.

Need Any Books? Mine are flowing out the door....

I'm stuffed with candy...and I'm diabetic, but my blood-o-meter is in need of it's batteries which are supposed to be in the mail. So I figured it was open season, unless of course I pass out, but I'm not that diabetic.
Pumpkin, our feline guest, is in here with me. In fact, he's positioned himself so that my kitten Moon has to fight Pumpkin to get to me. Pumpkin has made a decision he likes it here and he's staying. But he isn't, because he belongs to Bubba Freda, so as soon as his ear clears up, he'll go home to what I guess is a boring existence, but Bubba adores her Pumpkin. Maybe I can send some books home with him.
Speaking of books, we cleaned out a bookcase today and we've got lots of extra books on lots of subjects. I can't think of her right name, but the woman who's living in Cuba, who was a Black Panther...(Assata! I just remembered!) Erotic books... Psychic books. Books on diabetes. Our bookshelf in the basement is literally falling down and what isn't falling by itself is being pushed out by our kitten who thinks the books are more toys. Just email me if you want to inquire.
curusartus@yahoo.com

Moon & Pumpkin Hissing & Here's Dukie, Much Loved and Gone

I'm drawing like crazy and I love it. I can't enter the work on here, but as long as I'm doing it, it'll get on her eventually. It just feels wonderful to be creating and I love drawing especially, although I do miss oils... I'll get back to them sometime soon... Meanwhile, out the door the growling continues... Moon, my Maine Coon kitten, and Pumpkin, my mother-in-law's big orange tabby, are in a stand-off. It's kind of the feline pre-O.K. Corral. Uh oh, there goes Pumpkin sneaking up on Moon! Surprise! When and if both of them realize Moon has giant claws to match his huge paws and Pumpkin has none, will they come to detente?

The Pumpkin Guards Against The Moon

Fixed it...sort of...I have the links in here and I can add more. I just can get my comments anymore and I've sloppied up the setting. But I'm satisfied right now; at least I don't have to start another blog. It's a helluva-lot easier this way. I'm sitting here in my underwear--I get hot easily and I have a closet in here--typing with the door locked with my mother-in-law's cat guarding the door against that fiendish kitten--Moon! Poor Pumpkin has an ear infection and my mother-in-law can't pick him up or see to put the medicine in his ear. She worries about his meals, but this guy hasn't missed one ever, by the looks of him. However, he doesn't have claws and Moon does, so Pumpkin is at a disadvantage and Moon doesn't like another cat being in his domain. So the door is locked to keep the hissing at a minimum until they get used to the idea Pumpkin is being nursed here for a couple of weeks. Moon doesn't seem to care though as long as the door is locked, because the rest of the house is his. With Pumpkin locked away, Moon mosies along, policing and exploring, and definitely not keeping watch.
It's nice to have a cat in here with me who isn't dumping the trash. Poor baby misses Bubba though. He sleeps with her and I guess she belongs to him the way we all belong to our felines. He's definitely given her a reason to get out of bed.
I'm fading; it's time for me to climb into bed. Before I leave, if anyone reading this knows how I can add back in the comments html, please email me. Thanks!
curusartus@yahoo.com

Do you Know How to Fix this?

I've just totally messed up the html on here, trying to add links. If anyone can help me with this, please tell me. I'm upset about it. No one can answer etc. and I can't put on the other links.
Jaynee
curusartus@yahoo.com

I Love Painterjayne

I set up the links thing wrong and now I've added what looks like ads after every entry. Ugh. I know as much about computers as rocket science and it shows. I get discouraged. And my computer won't work with my scanner and camera. I did a piece I just love, tried to scan it, and when that failed, took pictures of it. But the computer doesn't want to know about any of it, so I can't put it on here. Not that anyone sees, but I like to look at my new work. Seeing it makes me feel good.
I love my title referring to my fabulous adventures. I don't have any. I'm not interested. I guess I did have them, and sometimes I do interesting things, but it's kind of "Been there. Done that." (And I was bored, or once was enough.) Or maybe, I need a break and if people stop asking me to parties, I'll feel terrible and want to go again. I do go, but there are lots that aren't right for me now. Play parties? Nah, give me talk parties. I don't want to work and I don't want to draw it either. Or look. But then, are these people I can talk with? Do they think the way I do? Are they interested in what's happening in the world and where do they think blame is? Sometimes I give my opinion, people look, and don't understand because it's so far from what they think. I suspect I'm not alone in my ideas; I'm not a genius. I just am not communicating with very liberal "free thinkers". I'm talking to basically conservative folks despite their being happy to pose naked and in erotic poses or bondage. (And no, I don't fool around. Not interested. Ever. Guys always ask that when they see my erotic stuff.)
Some other person with lupus will read this, say I'm a loony free spirit, or maybe veering over into evil doings. No, it's just me and I'm still a nice quiet unassuming lady, with good values and morals. But I'm an artist, and I want to feel myself being me. I want to do what makes me happy, learn to live fully. It's sometimes horrible to have lupus and it's changed my life completely. I suspect I'm pretty obnoxious, angry, pushy, and say way too much that most people don't want to hear. But just like I like looking at my artwork, I love reading what I've written. I guess it's self-love. So be it.

The Fabulous Adventures etc.

Just changed the name of my blog to this bullshit; I'm just trying to catch some readers, some attention cheaply. It's really phony, opportunistic bullshit. I don't really believe anybody is the finest Philly artist. That's ridiculous and I hate it. It's advertising, like for Ajax Cleanser. Well, maybe I'll change it tomorrow because I don't like it.
Meanwhile, we--Honey, Harry, and me--picked up my stuff from where I used to work this afternoon. Coming in after I've retired put the place in a different perspective. The miserable secretary just looked crazy and the place looked like a prison. Maybe tomorrow I'll start going through my old junk and throwing stuff out. I heaved all the notes and my old supervisor was surprised, but who needs doctor's notes when you don't have to work anymore?
It's time to go to bed though...12:35, and even I, lady of leisure, want sleep so I can rise tomorrow and paint. I love the piece I started today and I want to work on it and maybe more tomorrow. Plus pet the cat.

Starving But Not Whipping

I'm hungry, but not enough to go downstairs and snack. At least, I hope not. I'm trying to lose weight to look better; to be healthier; to fit into my sexy old clothes. I like the clothes I bought last year in size 18, but I like better the ones I bought before, in size 14. The size 12s look pretty good too, but I'm trying not too put too much pressure on myself.
Because of lupus, I take prednisone, and because of prednisone (and menopause), I gained forty pounds. Between the extra weight and prednisone, I said hello to diabetes. It's not a problem, in fact for some insane reason, I like seeing what my blood glucose readings are twice a day. It's nuts, but I'm not crazy enough not to understand the dangers of diabetes. I've seen enough cut-off feet and legs to know. I take my medications religiously. Lupus has given me enough scares to have motivated me for a lifetime.
Lupus and prednisone brought me to retirement though I believed I wouldn't want to live anymore. It turns out the lack of a regular job, nobody giving me mindless reports, inspections, and data entry to do--is wonderful. No explaining, no worrying. I love doing whatever I want in my own time, whenever I want. I get up too late, that's true, and I'm short time to do everything I "require" of myself. But the house looks good to me; my plants are well-tended and my garden's cleaned up with a new tree planted; and gradually, the computer is pulling together. I've even begun to work on my website a tiny step at a time. Nobodies behind me with a whip.
And speaking of whips, I actually still haven't told the complete reality to a couple guys I really like, and I'm so not interested. Both are my models but all I want to do right now is whatever oozes from my brain onto the page. Except maybe my animals, or family. The scenes and classes are WORK, and I'm retired.

A New Start With A New Tree

Today my new tree was planted and I cleaned up the garden some. It looks a whole lot better. I did nothing since I gave Big Sammy, my Golden Retriever away in June, and the trumpet vines ate mostly everything, the small trees died, and I had my big Weeping Willow pulled out in August. But I never went back there. I left the dog shit and the dead birds there. Somehow the dog shit disappeared. I won't ask why or how. I guess maybe I've accepted losing Sammy. He used to basically tear up the house when he was left alone but I loved him. Moon the kitten loved him too. I took him all the way out to Lancaster to the Golden Retriever Rescue and he was adopted in four days despite his appetite for chairs, pillows, rugs and doors. I took three months of his Paxil prescription, his pillows with their clean pillow cases, his bones, toys, a giant bag of his high-end food, and his pictures frolicking with his darling kitten. I think I took more stuff but I can't remember; my mind was too fogged by grief and ativan. Plus I was lost and hysterical. I always forget when I'm taking on way more than I can do, hoping I'll do it anyway, only to have to give it up so sadly in the end.

I'VE BEEN SHOWERED WITH GIFTS BUT I DON'T KNOW WHY

This morning, before I was completely awake, two women who I used to work with visited and gave me a card signed by about a million people, two gift certificates to my favorite area restaurant, and money. This was in addition to a swimming watch that came before that I love. I was and am overwhelmed. Shocked. I have to send another card thanking them. I used to hate to go there. Get up early--ugh--I especially hated that. I just didn't want to go. I didn't want to dress up, didn't want to see people, didn't want to be businessy. I never made it to businessy. And I didn't care about the work projects at all. They were total bullshit and always seemed to end up in the trash can after threats and deadlines that were endlessly extended. I did enjoy my little private cubicle, listening to my music, reading the New York Times, drinking interesting coffees and buying meals that tickled my fancy. I surrounded myself with old rejected paintings that still made me feel at home, even though I never felt at home and wished every minute that I could walk out of there forever. I wasn't always aware I felt that way. I was often co-opted by the food, relaxation, good conversations, shopping--oh! I loved the shopping!, and long telephone conversations. I thought some of the bosses had evil spirits emanating from them, and others were horribly sad screwed up creatures. I used to literally duck back into doorways to avoid them, or pretend they weren't there. And this was the best job I ever had. Previously, I worked with psychos and people who would happily send innocent people into life under a cardboard box in a diaper. Happily, mind you.
Well, today I worked on my Lupus part of my website that the radio interviewer rated as not as good as many or some other artists. I think he was giving me a zetz for being number one Philadelphia Artist on Google. Since he used only my saying how much I didn't like the gallery system, I suspect my ideas rankled him. I'm satisfied that I'm comfortable with my view of life and it works for me. Getting there took about fifty years, so it wasn't easy, and I'm glad to be here. And especially to be "retired", going to bed at--the clock here says 12:42 AM--and waking whenever I feel like getting out of bed.
I've escaped from the supervisors, administrators, coordinators, and consultants. I never did cozy up with them and they were usually uneasy with me. I was a traitor in their midst. A hippie not well disguised. I try to seek "the truth" and find my own way and that feels right for me. To each his own, but I really wish people would look under the goop we're fed. Too many people die and there's so much unnecessary suffering in the world. Yeah, it's all connected. To me, all that crap about administrators and striving is closely followed by votes for people like George Bush Jr. or whatever he is. Without thought and looking for reality, we march into blind hatred and war.

JUST THE RETAIL PRICE FOR ROSIE, THE KITTEN--NO DISCOUNT

I'm listening to my music again, after a break of about six months when it was lost...Hearts singing is a true feeling, and so are those trite statements about the good that music can do. I don't have much luck with Windows XP--it's gone down twice, and between the first and second break-down, I didn't have much success in getting music. Now, thanks to my friend John, and my son Brian, I'm sitting here swaying to Enya. You may not like her music, or any of the stuff I revel in, but it's all the equivalent of the art we do in sound form. And it does my heart good.
Yesterday, Harry and I drove down to Bear, Delaware to our friends Wedding Shower at another friend's house. She's Tinkerbell, she says, and he's her Tigger. Whatever. They're happy and in a couple of weeks they're jetting off to Las Vegas to be married at a little wedding chapel there. I'm very happy for both of them. They shine.
On the way home, I insisted on driving to Chadds Ford, with Harry kvetching non-stop. We went to our friendly Maine Coon breeder's house. lol Like we buy so many cats. One cat lasts usually about sixteen years. Well, this time, we're going to have two--Maine Coons. Our one-year-old kitten Moon is a non-stop activity machine and we hope our little red female, who's now three weeks old, will involve him in some cat play. We say with our little Rosie--or maybe Sunny--until Mrs. B, the breeder looked as though she was dying from fatigue. I picked up psychic vibrations of content and comfort from Rosie, as well as either sending or receiving vibrations of love, mom, etc. I had been grilled by both our kids as to the absolute necessity of those vibrations. Otherwise, the kitten was not supposed to belong with us, and we should head right to the closest shelter to rescue a stray. (And why were we spending all that money, anyway?)
OUr money governor lived along the way home so I bribed Harry to stop and have some ice cream at Brian and Byll's. Their apartment is a college kid's delight--and mine. It's filled with computers, various equipment along those lines, and food and drink, including tons of junk food. They both work and are in their last year of college studying Chemistry. It's an honor to eat their ice cream. Also a big treat since if I keep any at home, I eat it for every meal and snacks, rationalizing the weight gain as something I'll lose as soon as I finish eating the offending ice cream. They have a cat too--Hannibal--who Brian has drilled into my head cost only $75 which included shots, and neutering. It probably included a bed, radio, and free movies too. Brian's good with money and he's perhaps the nicest person I know, maybe in addition to our daughter Honey. I don't think I'm even being prejudiced. They're unusual. Super honest and open.
Oh well, that's enough of that. Time for a bath and a new pic on here.

A Driving Saturday

Going on 1 AM again. It's been an interesting, fun day, with a Wedding Shower, visiting our little two-week-old kitten, and stopping by to see our son and his girlfriend for some ice cream. The shower was all way down in Bear, Delaware and of course we got lost on the way, but a state trooper got us there in the end. It was good to see our friends; we missed last night's surprise birthday party and I've been out of circulation for so long. Harry's been really cranky and yesterday, he was too tired to go after the problems with his mom. I drove to Delaware, then up to Chadd's Ford, then home from Brian's. And he complained about the ride.
The kitten is a tiny female red Maine Coon kitten who burrowed into my shirt sending me little love and comfort messages, I think. And Harry and I just loved her. This is where I need to insert one of my animal pictures. And aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

Emergency Room Blues

LIVING A DAY IN THE EMERGENCY ROOM
We spent today at Frankford Hospital in the Emergency Room with Harry’s eighty-four year-old mom. Lately, I’ve become involved in her care because both she and Harry are hard-of-hearing and talking on the phone for Harry is kind of hit-or-miss. One never knows who really called or what they actually said. So I knew Harry’s mom was in trouble and when the intake nurse noted words the senior Mrs. Polis did not say, I insisted on their correction. (I don’t think they were though anyway.) Even though his mom has had heart surgery, anemia, can’t eat, and started to have way worse problems today, she was sent home. The hospital doctor never called her specialist who told her to go to the Emergency Room and I wonder what information the doctor he did talk to was given. That poor woman would be dead if it weren’t for Harry. He takes her to her doctor’s appointments, gets her medicine ready a week at a time, buys her groceries, arranges for any and all services and does all her paperwork. She worries anyway. But I’m good at soothing; Harry gets aggravated. Being old in America is hard. Without adult kids to care for the elderly, the care is haphazard at best. Medicine is so expensive, it’s criminal. Mrs. Polis still gets triple digit hospital bills she’ll never be able to pay on her meager social security. This is insane.
We adopted a cat for her last year; Pumpkin was on her mind all day. All she wanted to do was go home and give Pumpkin his dinner. This cat doesn’t miss a meal—ever. I was sure he was a couch potato until the other day when I sat on the floor with him; he bit me for checking out his ears which turned out to be infected. Before the hospital day came up, we were scheduled to take Mr. Pumpkin to the veterinarian. Hopefully, he’ll get there tomorrow and I’m sure he won’t be a happy cat. Nevertheless, having Pumpkin has been a very happy experience for Harry’s mom. He’s got spotless kitty litter and chooses his favorite food through ignoring the kind he doesn’t like.
Our son Brian and his girlfriend Christina came running to the hospital today too. Little things like the love of grandchildren, the support of her children, and the “devotion” of a golden tabby can make life worth living. I hope.
This article will be in SCOOP, USA published Nov. 4, 2005 in Harry's weekly column. I just put it in here because I wrote it, it happened today and I'm pissed. Our health care sucks. I've lived long enough to have seen it go from excellent for middle class people and poor to non-existent for most everyone else; to poor etc. for most everyone. And it's not just the health care itself; the incomprehensible bills, hurdles, and expense is overwhelming. Old age is truly scary and our country makes it ten times worse.

God's Closing The Book Tomorrow..Uh Oh

Sort of have my computer back..Brian was working with it all night trying to straighten it out, getting frustrated, and continuing. Sony has a lot of problems. Meanwhile, I'm learning how to back info up and put it back in--many times. I'm getting my music back again. I imported everything from the old computer and I'm working to get back gospel and other stuff. Right now, I have CSNY on and it's wonderful. I'd like to organize the music and I will. And next time, I'll be able to put it back on here right.
I baked a cake today and Harry made everything else. I sprained my foot yesterday and I hobbled around all day. But I also did the kitty litter, repotted a plant, set up for another one, and some other stuff. Sounds like nothing. Harry's mom--Bubba--Honey, Jerry, and Brian were here for Yom Kippor which is tomorrow. The traditional thing is to break the fast together, but Brian can't not go to Drexel, so we had dinner together today. Also traditional is fish, but we didn't have that either. Harry can't stand the long waits at the Deli so I convinced him to forget that. We have fish enough other times. We just end up with the leftovers going bad in the frig anyway.
Harry and I have to pick up Bubba cat Pumpkin tomorrow and take him to the Vet. He's got some black stuff in his right ear and it's bothering him. I noticed it yesterday and he bit me for it. I'm used to being bitten by cats. No big deal. Except I thought PUmpkin was a couch potato but I guess he recognized me immediately as being a cat toy and gave up his disguise as an old people's cat and segued right into a golden demon. Nothing new. The gray one is behind me.
I worked on a drawing while Brian was into his third hour of struggling with the Sony puter. I guess I can put it into the computer tomorrow or so. I'm going to be on the radio Saturday morning if anybody ever reads this. Creatively Speaking or something. 90.1 FM at 11 AM for about six minutes. The fella interviewed me yesterday. I think he was a little freaked about the crossdresser stuff so I never mentioned the feminization. I think that might have been over his top. And I never took him down the basement... My "Other" studio would definitely have been too far into another world. I forget how narrow people are--even liberal people. And I'm so normal too...gentle and easy-going...not into anything radical. But even my stuff is scandalous. It's ridiculous.
Well, I've hopefully got a guy coming Friday for a portrait, a good party that night, and one in Delaware after seeing the kitten, Saturday. I'm having trouble finding time to paint. This isn't funny. I need to get to bed so I can tomorrow before I have to take Mr. Pumpkin to Dr. Betty.

Mistress Painterjayne, Artist & Computer Savant...lol

I'm proud of myself. I was able to burn cds of the music and my files in my old computer and put them in here. For the first time in months, I listened to some of my music and it was lovely. Apparently, I have another portrait coming in addition to the two scheduled for this month. Well, one isn't scheduled, but it's partly paid for already. I have to call her. And a guy coming, hopefully, for a big feminization day. It will pay for the kitten and her shots, plus a wig because I think I have to buy one for the feminization guy and anybody who comes later who might not have their own.
I always hate to go to bed; I'm like a little kid. It's ll:30 and I really should get my butt in there. Hate to go to bed then I hate to get up. Ugh.

Reformatting and memories of Jeanette..and tears

I'm getting used to reformatting my harddrive and putting back files. My artwork is really messed up on here, but well, maybe at the next reformatting, I'll get it better together. I might be able to work it out better if this will stay okay for a while. Either it's Windows XP or my sony computer that stinks. The last computer, a Gateway, came totally screwed up. It sounded like a washing machine and worked with files as well as a washing machine would. Two or three monitors later, a new tower hard fought for, and another hard drive, the thing still works about seven years later. Husband Harry now has and loves it to pieces in my studio. It's his Google machine. He doesn't do email, he looks stuff up. Whatever rows your boat, right?
It's great sitting here listening to Bush. I put in CDs I had in the drawer. The computer wouldn't recognize the CD my son Brian made for me five years ago, but I bet he can put it in WEdnesday when he's here. When I finally get to where I worked (before I started THE GOOD LIFE OF ART (& RETIREMENT), I'll pick up the CDs I used to listen to and love. Plus, I think Brian can get my music from Harry's computer which will be a total joy. Assuming it's still there, but I bet it is. I love Gospel and all kinds of stuff. Since it looks as though I can't get Kazaa anymore, I noticed I can buy CDs for about ten bucks. So maybe, I'll buy a few things. I think I might have accidentally thrown out a big bag of CDs I moved out of the way last Sunday when the sofa was being moved. I have no memory of anything I move around and I've lost jewelry and all kinds of stuff. But I know these CDs were music I didn't like because I'm sure I'd gone through them before and pulled out anything I thought would be good and taken it to work. Where I tested it all on their computer, which is the sensible thing to do, right?
That was all stuff left by Brian's old girlfriend from when she lived here. She left everything including tons of clothes, her art supplies, her CD player. Everything. Then later she tried to commit suicide and I was the person whose number she had in her pocket. It broke my heart and it'll stay broken because she was a wonderfully talented young woman whose family so screwed her up, she's staying broken never to achieve what she wanted. She's disappeared between Reagan's cracks now. I can't even get her phone number. I'll try to put up her picture on here. She was one of my cases where I wanted to do more than I was capable of. I take on too much. Hope for too much and then I can't do it. This wasn't what I meant to write.

empty computer

It's after eleven AM; I haven't taken a shower yet; I look like Maggie Scratch. We're supposed to go see the red female kitten but Harry won't drive twenty-five miles in the rain and I'm not driving yet..and the lady's on the phone non-stop. And we reformatted this computer last night. It couldn't be saved. That's the second time on a six month old computer. WEll, nine months I guess. But that's nothing in the way of life. It can really suck. I think I forgot my medicines yesterday morning too. I forgot that. I was up so early--8:30--that I was kind of comatose. We had company. Too early.
I'm thinking of driving. This is ridiculous, but at the same time, it would be better to go next week. We have a party that day in Bear, Delaware, so we could go right there. Harry just called me and said breakfast was done. He cooks, does the wash, and shops. Does the money too. I'm not hungry yet, but he's a good cook. I'll go. oh no pictures!

Brownie Time, then maybe painting time

I feel crappy today. Had to go back to taking another med that's problematic. Yuck. And had to get up early today for company. Additional yuck, but the good thing is at least, at three, I'm not just showered and dressed. I've read two newspapers, showered, dressed, eaten breakfast, and I'm ready to make brownies for tonight's company. Oh, and I wrote my note for my doctor from yesterday. That was a biggie. Have to fax that tomorrow on the way to see Rosie, the two-week old red female Maine Coon little sister for Moon. I've been looking at pictures of red Maine Coons and gee, they're pretty. Maine Coons are pretty anyway--very furry, and they leave a trail of what looks like dust bunnies. Only they're really fur bunnies. Without my glasses that I can't stand to wear anyway, I can't see them too well which suits me fine.
I'd really like to paint today... Maybe I can do something after I make the brownies which I hope take just a little time. I'm getting big-time help from a friend tonight for the computer. Therefore the brownies. I can't afford to eat the things and hafing them around is dangerous. I'm planning to freeze them immediately when he leaves or sooner and bring them out Wednesday night for the kids. They'll enjoy them. Jerry looked forlorn this week anyway because I hadn't baked any dessert when he was here for dinner. Brian didn't seem to care which is interesting, but diabetics--like me too--are incorrigeable. (sp?) Well, time for the brownies and maybe art in my spiffy new studio.

A Day in the Life

Went to my rheumatologist today. He's going to work with me as best he can for the disability. That's a relief. I've been feeling a little crappy..my joints hurt..my hands shake..I'm still down but nothing like before...I'm a little out of it..But I'm thrilled not to have work to deal with. I'm going to have to stay on Prednisone, he told me, because I take it so often. It's better to avoid those severe heights and lows. Hopefully, I'll be okay on five milligrams. Meanwhile, I'm walking on the treadmill again and it's time for a cool bath.

What Day IS it AGain?

Is it Tuesday or WEdnesday? If it's WEdnesday, I better get busy because my son and cousin are coming for dinner. Above are three pics I just finally was able to scan in. The top two were commissions--watercolor/pastels--11 x 15", and the bottom one I finished a few days ago. That one is mixed media, 11 x 14". Now I can take my sketch book downstairs with me and do more. My hands shake, I'm depressed but not this minute, and I'm having a wonderful time being retired. Work? ugh. I'm hoping my tremor is from the steroids and will stop when I'm finished them but it could be from the Lupus too. Time will tell. I do really like this blog though because google allows pics to be uploaded and the colors of the finished blog are pleasing too. Pretty neat. Better options than my old one. WEll, time to start the day. (2 PM of unnamed day) My computer is basically on the blink. It used to say the day. ugh again. Uh oh, it did and it's Wednesday. I want to make a couple of things for dinner. Oh crap. WEll, there's time.

My Computer is on the blink

Something is wrong with my computer. It hooks up to the web fine, but the inner workings are screwed up. I think it's got maple syrup inside in the form of spy ware because it's happened before but it won't let me install spy bot or use norton. Funny. I'm really depressed about it. I rely on this damn thing for a lot of my life. ugh I have to try to use the "Go Back" feature. See if I can use it. I'm really dumb when it comes to this stuff. WEll, my hands are shaking already--from lupus related stuff, not this--and I'm depressed from the prednisone, so why not?
The picture is me, called Relaxing, Retired. It's mixed-media and really small. I haven't matted it yet. I'm not ready to start matting again although I really like this. I'm starting all new work and that makes me happy. ESpecially getting away from this damn thing.

Not sleeping..anxious. Don't want another kitten. Worried. Nervous. Tremor has been back for weeks and now it's hard to use the pointer on here. This computer is screwed up too. Today, when everything got moved--and that was wonderful!--something happened and the computer got messed up. Maybe the moving had nothing to do with it. That's always a possibility. My studio looks so inviting, and this room will be fine too. It's not crowded anymore. I'm so pleased. I should go to bed. The kitten that I wanted, and don't want now, is born. A little teeny weeny red female Maine Coon kitten...to keep Moon company. He needs company and that's true. He thinks I'm a cat and he frequently attacks me. But who wants to clean kitty litter every day? Well, that's not so bad. It's hard to watch out for little tiny handfuls though. They're so little and delicate. You have to make sure you don't hurt them or that Moon doesn't. Moon pooped in every corner when we got him. He didn't know about kitty litter. Ugh. I don't want to go through that again. It's nice when cats play together...but then you have two throw-uppers, two sneezers, two vet bills. And two cats sharpening their claws on my sofa in my studio. Moon finally learned not to walk on my artwork. Hmm... And not to eat my paintbrushes.

Kitten Dreaming

Our kitten's breeder called this morning way before I got up and said she had a one-week old Maine Coon red female kitten and a few female patch kittens. I had called her two months ago asking about a red kitten because Moon sits only on Harry's lap, never mine. Calico! That's the word I couldn't remember. I wanted a red kitten then I realized I'd love a calico like we had years ago. Well, not just like because she was high-strung and freaked out when we moved. (I've seen that stuff twice and it's awful.) Anyway, I pretty much called every cat friend I could think of getting advice about having two cats versus one. I've been so sick, I worry. I mean, I'm so well and normal, then suddenly I felt like a vegetable for a month. That's unusual; usually it's a week, although I used to get so tired frequently, I could barely function. One never knows with Lupus. I'm excited about the kitten. Anxious and worried. Moon came not housebroken and pooped all over the house in every corner, and he's destructive too. He was calmer when we had the dog, less needy too, although the dog slept next to me and Moon has always, always tried to get into our bedroom, hide, and sleep there. He's lonely, I think. When we get home after a few hours out, he meets us at the door like a dog and wants to be picked up for ten seconds or so. Then, maybe again in a few minutes, or just fussed over. I think he gets a little freaked when we're gone.
I think I'm done with the small mixed media piece I was working on last night. Moon watched me the whole time. He seems to be fascinated with anything I do, from cleaning the toilet to painting. He used to eat my watercolor brushes, but thank God, he stopped. I can't hide them and I don't want to block doors and all that crap. I wish I could use the scanner and put the piece in. I'll have to take pictures and do it that way. I just have to remember because I have at least three to do, then I'll have to add them to my site and I hope that's not a big deal. It didn't used to be, but since the "new" fixed XP, I can't predict anything, and it's a new "Voyager"--the program I use.