Tuesday, November 28, 2006

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The dishes are waiting for me. Lots of stuff is waiting and none of it is what I want to see. My feet are freezing. There is no draft; it's just indoor weather where you need long sleeves and big socks. It's a distance coming from being the row house queen to a lady of the single house.
Later....I borrowed cds from the Library today and I'm listening to the Kronos Quartet. It's beautiful, gorgeous, a combination of classical and African music. Some, like the one I'm listening to right now, is completely classical, almost Baroque. Harry listens to music from the 1920s with little interest in modern pieces. How music influences your mood doesn't change though. Eddie Cantor brings joy to Harry's day just like this music, new to me, makes my heart sing. My heart feels as though it's grown two feet out of my body and it's dancing.
Later...I'm watching The Daily Show. One of my closest girlfriend's dogs got out of her yard. One is a puppy and neither had tags on. No one will know these adorable little doggie babies are Joalice's loved furballs. I pray they'll be okay and she finds them. I wish I were still psychic and could sense where they were; but I never was that kind of psychic anyway. I do feel they will approach the wrong house to try to go home.
And my friend Sydney is in the hospital with a brain infection. He's only 31 with a wife and baby. Sydney is an artist too; he does epic heroic comic characters. I'm not sure he's comfortable with narratives. Right now, he can't draw, think very well, or walk. I hope nothing else bad happens. I worry deeply for both my friends
This afternoon I visited with my neighbor and when she asked if I were of partly German heritage, I admitted that I was but that I was Jewish. As it happens, German Jews were very German. I'm the third generation of my family born here--that side emigrated circa 1860-1870; somebody fought in the Civil War. But even that removed, my dad still followed all the rules. So because this community is so small, I have told everyone. My neighbor seemed shocked. She later alluded to her education under Hitler's rule and the fact that people were afraid to help the Jews. I understood way too much from our conversation and I'm sure it was that way for her too. So SuperJew is now a known representative of the race in Cherokee Woods. Do I need to erect a giant star of David in the front yard?

Saturday, November 25, 2006

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My Feet Hurt!

My afternoon...This is my evening, at 11:45 PM. I'm in mild pain. On a scale of 1-10, just for my feet, it's a 6 now on a day and evening of hills and valleys of pain. My right big toe inner edge has been numb for about six months and it's spread now to a whole half my toe or so. That seems such a puny complaint, but peripheral neuropathy-- if that's really what it is, and I believe so-- keeps spreading.
When we got home this afternoon, after the long drive to Philly and shopping here, I felt under the weather. My feet burned and didn't stop. I was afraid to take Neurontin even though that's what Neurontin is for. The medication never stopped the pain though. So far, nothing has. I tried Irish Whiskey tonight and that didn't help either.
I finished the picture of the parrot for the author folks. I used a conure, which is a parrot, but it didn't occur to me until after I was done, they may have pictured a green parrot. Conures aren't typical, although I guess people could tell it was an exotic bird. It's a pretty drawing and I'll put it on here probably tomorrow. I have to give the drawing to the authors, and I hate to do that. I'm willing to part with drawings I like only when I get paid and even then, I'm not too happy. It's never enough if I am really attached to them.
My daughter got me to hang the paintings I really like. I need to frame a couple new ones. There are only a couple I'm crazy about. One is the Little Guy and another is The Singer. Oh, I forgot, also the few I hung in my office: Alexis, Beaded Lady; Officer and Mrs. Polis; and the one with the bearded guy in a dress. I guess I like a couple more too. We've got Dukie, the dog, in the bedroom, with Miami Moon and Blue Nude. I do love Miami Moon. I have to shut up; this doesn't feel right.
I have to get ready for bed. I'm tired. My book is downstairs and I might like to read a little. I'm trying to finish "The Lost", about the holocaust because it's 500 pages and a library book. I haven't been buying books and I wish I owned this one. The guy is a great writer and it's not like great writers grow on trees. (They write on them. hehe) Okay, good night.


Thursday, November 23, 2006

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My computer is sick. I don't know whether it's a virus or a new program is in conflict with an old one. I'm on my husband's computer and for my sanity, I'm so grateful he has one. This one came from our son's girlfriend. She plays all kinds of games and this one wasn't fast enough for her, but for us, it's a speed demon. (Later..My son fixed my computer!)
Today is Thanksgiving and Harry is downstairs cooking. I've been putting up paintings and I need to go downstairs and clean the bathroom. Mom-in-law is downstairs watching TV and her sofa bed is still open with the blankets on it. I'm happy with that sofa; it's pretty and it matches the leather one. I'm happy with the whole house. I feel blessed with it. Uh oh. My cousin may be here and I'll have to go. He'll be helping with the heavy stuff.

Later...My daughter redesigned my bedroom and it looks better. Cousin Jerry and my daughter hung a big mirror and paintings. Later, dinner was very fine. I made Challah (egg bread) filling yesterday and Harry made everything else including roasted chestnuts. Our son and his girlfriend came and I said stupid stuff about our friend's grandchildren going to Catholic School now. (Their mom, our friend's daughter is Jewish.) I assume most people are proprietary about their heritage. Why I would want my grandchildren to carry on a history that draws hatred and murder sounds nuts even to me. We Jews, I think at least partly because of the hatred directed against us, are often more solidly rooted in our Jewishness. I suspect this is common among scapegoated cultures. It feels like every Jewish child lost is a jewel squandered.

I'm reading The Lost, a book by Mendelsohn about his six relatives murdered in the Holocaust. I've read probably dozens of books about the Holocaust. I'm driven to read them. But I do also read about the genocide in Darfur and the other governments in the world that periodically break down and hundreds--thousands--of people are cut down. Iraq is basically beside the point. That is insanity sparked by an idiot?, a zealot?, a megalomaniac.

So our Thanksgiving was fun. Bubba gave orders and I talked about Jewish children and Catholic school thereby embarrassing our son's girlfriend, who was raised Catholic, even if they both are confirmed atheists now. She's sweet and shy and I was so sorry, but once something leaves your mouth, it's out there.

It's already 12:30 AM. I still have my night stuff to do. But I do give thanks this day for having been gifted with so much. I have a husband who adores me; wonderful children; a close loving family; good friends; adorable kitties; reasonably good health; and my dream house. And more. I'm truly grateful.


Saturday, November 18, 2006

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The Ugly Freezer Searching For Its Home

Just writing for a minute. Have another headache and I know if I don't take meds, it will only get worse.
Furniture came today. Family Room looks cozy. Paintings are up and fireplace tools are out. Freezer can't go in there but I worked out where it can go. My daughter made a good suggestion & I'll follow it through. Kitties will lose their kitty litter spot, but it will be okay. Wish I had more room but I've never had so much room. House will be full up. Guess next we'll be furnishing the attic. Actually, if I could manage the steps, I'd use it for storage. What it is is that all the rooms are public rooms. There is no convenient basement for needed stuff that's too ugly for the living room. That's the problem. Everything is pretty with no hiding spots.
Definitely headache time.


Wednesday, November 15, 2006

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Mentioning A Migraine

It's time for bed; but I've got a migraine trying to begin. I cut it off at the pass by taking Frova, Meclizine, and the med for nausea. I listened to my neurologist who I know from experience, doesn't know how to taper medications other than prednisone and I suspect he learned that one because I bothered him so much. He's told me before it was okay to stop taking a medication that caused me an awful withdrawal. This time he told me I could cut Lamictal, a seizure cum everything medication from 50 mg. to 25 mgs. That was what I wanted to do and I knew he'd say it was fine. I know I'd do well on 25 except that I didn't figure in that I might be addicted to the stuff. Well, I am. Of course, that may not be why I'm getting migraines like this or feeling slightly nauseous at times during the day. That's probably a migraine without the headache. I learned that from my excellent neurologist who just doesn't know about withdrawals.
It's very odd for my lupus to act up this way; that's why I suspected the medication withdrawal. I had been feeling that lupus exhaustion and kind of off for a while; but I figured it was due to the stress of having workmen in the house eighteen hours a day and having lupus as a bottom line. I still think that.
The painting is almost done and we're just about out of money. We've got a couple of things to buy and we're done. A sofa bed and bar are coming Saturday We'll probably buy a freezer and a little frig that we'll use for holidays and such. We need the freezer for Harry's cooking and the breads that come to live in our freezer. It will be a relief to be alone with Harry and the kittens in the house. I still haven't brought in most of the paintings for the walls and the ones that are in, are sitting where the sofa and the bar will go.
Meanwhile, back at the desk, Autumn is swishing her tail on the keyboard. She wants pets. My headache is under control and it's getting later. I wanted to write about the place I worked and tattle some on them but it will be another time. This time is over.


Tuesday, November 07, 2006

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Lupie and Bored

I'm so tired and I'm upset because I can't do what I want. The cat is The Winking Cat for a story by two authors I'm working with, but right now, it feels like a very tired cat, maybe a little dizzy, who's so tired he can't keep both eyes open. That's me. I went shopping with Harry and he went ahead to check out while I used the Ladies Room. While I was walking to the front to meet Harry again, I felt so exhausted and my legs felt as though they were going to give out. I freaked a little; I just wanted to get to the car and not fall onto the floor in the store. I know I should have been more caring to myself but I felt embarrassed.
This is hours later and I still feel dead tired. When we first got home, I just sat up here wanting to change and go paint the mirrors that will hang in the house. I couldn't do it. I could talk but typing was an effort.
Today were the mid-term elections and later I'll watch Jon Stewart and Colbert do the elections. I voted earlier and expect the dems to do well this time. If they don't, I'll know it's more republican chicanery. My feeling is we are living in a dictatorship; that we experienced a coup d'etat in 2000 and fraud in 2004 in order to maintain republican rule. I believe W, Cheney, Rumsfeld and the rest of their crew are war criminals and people like Baker, Jeb, the Supremes, and that woman in Florida perpetrated a mockery of our election process.
I don't owe anything to W. I'm very grateful for all I have and that includes being born and living in the United States at this time in history. It may be this is the beginning of the end of our republic and that's sad. But it never was perfect. Jack Kennedy got all the votes of the dead in 1960 and I understand Truman didn't really win either. Apparently, the political parties have been playing loose and wild with our government for a long time. That doesn't make it right.
Other nations have long past us in health care, education, and care of the elderly. Too many of our jobs are being shipped overseas but the stuff we make and send out is shrinking. Our roads are holy messes--that's a pun!--and our citys' infrastructures are held together by duct tape. Forget rescuing people hit by floods or the failure of those crappy pipes and dikes. We live in the time of Katrina. Nothing the government tries to do works right. What are we going to do? This stupid war is bankrupting us and killing thousands of kids. For nothing. Things are worse in Iraq now than when Saddam was the "president." At least they had electricity and we had live kids and money in the bank.

Monday, November 06, 2006

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That's me in the gray hair. I'm a mess. I've got a cold--the first in about two years--and I am lupey again, or still. I can't get started in my day. I haven't taken my blood, had a bath or shower, and of course I'm still in my (moose with a bell) pajamas. (These PJ's make me smile inside.) My weight is still the highest it's ever been in my entire life and I feel helpless about it. I'm out of control with my eating and I feel hopeless. It's hard to go out in the evenings and I especially don't want to now but going to Overeaters Anonymous is the only thing I can do to address my eating. I just have to go. Feeling lousy makes going very hard.
Last night instead of going to bed early, I started the winking cat drawing for the authors I've been working with. It's okay. I think I needed to do something successful. He looks fierce. I like the other drawings too and I'd like to put them on-line when I remember.
My children and my cousin visited yesterday and they brought my gigantic cousins painting inside. It wouldn't fit on the family room wall so it's going on the upstairs living room wall behind the sofa where it lived in the other house. It takes up the entire wall from the top of the sofa. I got cold feet about hanging it though on the newly restored wall, so I'm going to ask the guys how to hang it or if they'll hang it.
I still haven't taken my blood, bathed, or eaten and it's getting late. I'm daydreaming of food now so maybe I'll venture downstairs in my pajamas and eat something.

Sunday, November 05, 2006

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The Adventures of Moon and Autumn

Moon, my two-year-old beautiful Main Coon kitten, was through the vents again two days ago. One of the guys painting our new house left the utility room door open AGAIN. I've asked them to keep it closed only a few thousand times and Moon has already been under the house through that door too many times to count. I understand the dead mice and possibility of rats and other vermin are too hard for him to ignore or so he seems to say when he emerges--if he emerges--dusty and hunter-like. One of the guys was guilt-ridden so he spent a full hour sweating, screwing in wire fencing to bar Moon's entry into that forbidden world. I still would prefer that door closed because I know cats are imaginative. Moon taught himself how to maneuver a door knob and he lets himself and our timid little girl kitten, Autumn, out of our bedroom when we definitely want them to stay put.
Yesterday we bought a pretty little collar for our little girl and next, we'll get them both new tags that say they now live in Delaware, not Philadelphia as Moon's tag now says. I'm sorry we didn't spring for the tag that is surgically implanted in the animal's ear. These kittens mean so much to Harry and me. Our children are grown, living on their own. Somehow these furry creatures have become our babies. Their brushes live on every table and they have the full run of the house and counters. We buy whatever food they prefer. The only activity we say "No." to is sleeping with Harry or entering Harry's office. Harry's little crystals are cat-sized and just right for batting around, especially hanging on the window. And with sleeping, Harry awakens shocked when the kittens jump up and down regularly during sleeping hours. They can sleep with me because I sleep through their jumping and playing.
At this moment after lunch, our kittens always nap. Moon is relaxing on my desk in front of me and Autumn is resting on our bed. They heartily approve of our new house as we do. Moon and Autumn bring us a lot of happiness. They're our little fur-babies.