Saturday, December 29, 2007

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Just Talkin

Just a word or two. Doing little psychic readings that seem to be accurate. Makes me pleased. Trying to write a note more frequently in here. Picked up on the My Face thing that a woman I know started for me. Have three pages to put up on my website. Working a little on fixing the links. They got messed up when my page was summarily shut down at tripod. This is such a narrow-minded nation. What would it have been like to have grown up in a liberal country? I would have been more free and probably less rebellious. Maybe.

I'm burning up with anger now. No real reason. Should be painting. I'm happy when I paint. Tomorrow. Cleaned today. Company tomorrow and Sunday. Family room especially gets sloppy. Got the garden cleared of all the crap that falls from trees. Now, the gate will open to the little run behind us. To have trees... A gift. So grateful.

Hope scene of tanks possibly on American soil does not come true. Jerry showed me but he could be meaning something other than what I thought he meant. Finally, I'm so happy with my life and my surroundings. My children are both grown and good people. This is my time to enjoy, if I can, above the arthritis and exercise. I sure as hell don't want to see this country attacked again. That shrub can't get out of the White House fast enough. I gotta think Americans are generally ignorant. How could any middle, working class, or poor person dream that shrub could or would do anything that would help him or her. I could see wanting him as a fun neighbor, but the guy hasn't shown an ounce of brains before or after he stole the first election. Now we have a totally polarized nation and legislature. Great. If we're mostly a middle class nation, why do we have Republicans running things? They give the money and perks to the rich. Oh yeah, they hate African-Americans and people who hail from south of the border. I forgot. They throw black people in jail and send people of color if possible, to their previous country if possible. And white people think this is normal. Not all white people, no. I figure it will take at least a few hundred more years for real color blindness. But there will still be craziness. And poor people.

I think of the murdering--slaughtering--in Kenya, Congo, and Darfur and realize we can't get it together in even one city. How can we help them when we don't know how to help ourselves?

I pray to be free of hate and anger. I know it's not that easy. So I ask to learn, to see why, and how I am. If I'm still a mess after all that counseling, God knows how other people are. I can see, most people are flying through life, not looking at themselves or what they're doing. It's all a rush, I know. We're too busy. I just didn't have that luxury.

Oh, I've been warned not to pour my heart out on here. I've made enemies in my life. And my sacred message to them is, "Fuck you and the fucking horse you came in on." I'm very cooled out.


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Not Much Help Needed

The cane looks awful, but, for a cane, I think it looks good. I don't have any new artwork to put up there. I'm back working in oils again and each painting takes a month, or months. The two I'm working on now are from the summer. I started them then. (That reminds me; I still didn't pick up my work from that gallery where I backed out of the show. I should never let my work out because I am not timely picking it up.) Anyway, I'm painting again after my shoulder surgery so I'm happy.
Actually, I'm not happy. I'm not unhappy either. I'm a little annoyed. I'm annoyed at me for leaving my paintings at that gallery. What an idiot! Not the guy, me! I had a Reiki session today. It was my birthday present from our daughter. The lady was great, but I don't have faith in Reiki per se. However, the woman is more like a shaman. She's psychic and perceptive. She picked up Jerry's personality and that he is around me. I was very glad to get that validation. I didn't need it, but to hear felt good. She also picked up on my aunt's ring that I wear and the love that had gone into the ring. I know my aunt is pleased that I wear it. I redid my other aunt's ring, etc. I told her how much I love jewelry and that's the truth. I don't buy expensive stuff. Just copies, but I enjoy them so much. I bought myself a silver watch for my sixtieth birthday just now. I'm waiting for it to have an extra piece added. Guaranteed I'll enjoy it. I'm just very visual and into decoration. My earrings, of which I have many, are BIG. That's it for big. I bite my nails and pick at my cuticles, so my rings are conservative, but I love them too. I wear bracelets but no necklaces, except rarely. I have a couple of things I inherited. I bought two pieces of technibond too. That's it. Kaput. I just have to keep buying clothes though because I've gotten so fat. And now, my feet hurt all the time. That's one of the body parts that hurt. My knees are now storming, cracking, and failing occasionally. One is. I am having a good time though.
I still love being retired, except that no one is ever really retired if you take care of yourself. Jerry didn't, but he knew what he was doing. I hate being in pain, so I'll be back at the pool and on the machines. I hate the idea, let alone doing it. I finally started volunteering to read to itty bitties at one of the day care centers. The program is run by a non-profit agency. I enjoyed my first day tremendously. I wish I had grandchildren, but I don't. I'm lucky to have good kids.
My daughter and her boyfriend are coming down tomorrow, Sunday. Every time he comes down, he fixes something for us. He's a godsend and a lovely guy besides being handsome.
Well, time for my bath and graphic novels. I LOVE them. I love reading and these are so much fun and I'm learning about another way of looking at life too. With no effort. I wish I could lose weight with no effort. I wish I could do what I want one hundred per cent of the time too.


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Christmas Miracle

Autumn is coming onto and leaving my lap, so this has to be short. The two kittens above are Tigger, and KeKe. Keke is the little grey, black and white one. They live in my outside studio that is actually, still a garage. They were living under a tree, so my garage with regular meals and kitty litter, is pretty comfortable. There is a big dog house in there for them, but I don't think they're using it. The reason I wanted to write today wasn't because of the cats, although I adore them. Keke is a lapcat and a little bundle of affection. It's hard not to adore them.
However, today's story is about a Christmas miracle. Christmas morning a friend online wished me a Christmas miracle. We had a lovely day visiting our cousins in southern Delaware and we were driving home. Suddenly, I became aware of cigarette smoke gagging me. I told Harry and he said he smelled it too, but didn't want to mention it. Then we realized it was Jerry, my beloved cousin who passed away last January. This was the second time he showed up by manifesting smoke in the car. Harry and I thanked him and I kept talking to him all night. Neither of us complained about the smoke because we knew it was Jerry and the smoke wasn't going to hurt us. (Jerry smoked like a chimney in winter.)
Harry and I are both amazed, and I'm thrilled, that Jerry can do something like that. He's thrown framed photos, shoes, upped the shade in my room two inches, and stuff like that. I wasn't sure he did all those things, but now I am.
My son gave me a hundred reasons why the smoke was a natural occurrance, but it wasn't real smoke. I have driven since 1964 on all kinds of roads and I have never had this happen. Smoke comes in only if the car is next to someone puffing away. And you can tell the difference between real smoke and Jerry's. I think my son is wrong. He's a scientist though, and I wanted to hear the rational reasons for our experience. Since the rational reasons didn't make sense, I'll go on believing this was a kind of miracle. I'm Jewish, and having a Christmas miracle is a little weird, but I'll be happy to accept it. I don't mind celebrating Jesus' birthday anyway. He was a Jewish rabbi. I forget if Jews think of him as having been a prophet. Maybe. Anyway, not bad for a tiny race. Jesus, Solomon,Einstein, Disraeli, Freud, Marx. Forgot Moses. Jesus is the most famous. I think he'd be so disappointed by the horrible acts committed in his name. And how people often don't, no matter how pious they appear, live by his words.