Friday, September 22, 2006

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The dishes are waiting. My new sinks are different; first off, there are two, and one doesn't have a garbage disposal. I'm really really busy now, that is, if I can keep it up which I mostly can't. I'm off for the middle floor, the dishes, and spray painting. Thank you God, I just did my dancing. I prayed for the will to exercise and came upon dancing in my studio. I love dancing to my music. And in my own single house in a wooded lot in Delaware. I am aware of how blessed my life is. In our world, with so much struggle and needless suffering, to have two grown children, two very smart children, both educated and reasonably a gift. That they care for me and their father, worthless though I feel we are, is a blessing. To have worked at jobs for which I was consummately unprepared and certainly unfit for thirty years and come away with a pension and social security, is a gift from God. And then to be led to this beautiful house that's all we asked for, everything we wanted... And get it. My Social Security Disability was granted at once, so I don't have to worry about finances.
It's much later now and while I still feel grateful, I'm also tired. It's time for bed.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

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Relaxing Amid the Boxes

We've been in the new house for about three weeks. It seems like a year. With boxes all over and things we use everyday buried somewhere to be found someday. Nevertheless, Newark is a wonder to us and our house is paradise. Harry and I each have offices, there are two living rooms--one a "great room"--a sun room and a deck. The floors are dusty now, the ceiling has holes from drilling for ceiling lights and the attic steps are broken. In a short while though, it will be beautiful. I'd love to plant an evergreen in our backyard, but I don't have the energy. There's too much else to do. I haven't painted yet either but I will soon. In between, I'll be painting walls.
Sometimes I think this is a dream. I'm not really a Delawarian; I'm a Philly woman. And I'll always be from Philly. But it's a relief driving on big highways where drivers usually follow the rules. No more closed and closing stores and driving miles to buy nice food. There are shopping centers at every turn and in between. Everything is at our fingertips and then some. Life is easier.
But would I trade my years in Philly? Probably not especially not my college experience. I wasn't comfortable at the Academy--it's hard to deal with other people--but when I was alone in my studio, it was good. And the feeling I have of the Academy is pride and the joy of creation. For me, there is no Academy without Philly. Also, it means something to have been an artist in Philly.
So now I'm an artist in suburbia. I can't care anymore about exhibiting. I don't even look at the invitations to send work. Ah, well. That's the way it is.

Sunday, September 03, 2006

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We're in our new house for about ten days now. Everything is still a mess; things that should be stored in the garage or attic are still taking up space in the rooms. And pots, cooler weather clothing and shoes are still hiding in boxes in the garage. The pantry in this house is a true mess with graffitied walls and a cement floor. We haven't stored anything there so we're short of space for the things we haven't found yet. The bedrooms which will eventually be Harry's and my offices are strewn with heavy boxes blocking the closets and storage. It's a mess here, but we love it.
We now live in Newark Delaware in a very small development hidden in the trees. Our son and his girlfriend live nearby in New Castle, ten minutes away. The steps that caused us so much pain in our Philadelphia row-house are a thing of the past. Suddenly, in the evening, it's only us; there is no other noise. It doesn't feel right yet. We're used to hearing basketballs, dogs barking, and other families. We live just off a main highway and there's shopping all around us. In Philly, we had to travel a half-hour or more to get to nice stores, but now, they're all here. Newark is a mix of all socio-economic and ethnic groups. Our development has all kinds of folks too. We feel as though we moved to heaven.
The weeds on our very substantial grounds are growing high and I haven't the time or the tools available to tame them. Our driveway has a big dip and the icy winter will be a challenge as will the narrow street. We have a huge garage but it's not connected to the house and not easily reached. Our daughter is further away and her cats are very ill. We're too far away to be enough help. Our friends are mostly all in Philly, not here. And we still have to come to Philly every week to help Harry's mom. Nothing in life is perfect, and although this house will ultimately be more comfortable than the old one, it's got a long way to go.